


Spirit of Hope

by Live4h0y, superb_mediocrity



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Modern Thedas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 16:49:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11971539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Live4h0y/pseuds/Live4h0y, https://archiveofourown.org/users/superb_mediocrity/pseuds/superb_mediocrity
Summary: After the Inquisition's failed attempts to thwart Corypheus' forces and seal the rifts in the sky, Thedas has entered a dark era of death and despair as the would-be-God takes over the world.In sight of this, Thedas desperately sends out the Inquisitor, Alida Lavellan, and crew to find a new home among the stars.But will Alida and the gang find somewhere viable to start over, or will things take a turn for the worst?





	1. Chapter 1

So many faces, impossible to remember them all; impossible not to try. Hope filled their hearts and consumed their beings like a wildfire, and I was the starting spark. We were their last hope, the last withered thread to hold onto in this dying world. They all looked to me, and I didn't have the answers that they wanted.

The looks on so many diverse faces as they cheered us off haunted me. The dream that this could work, that soon their families would be off this wretched planet, lived in their souls and caused mine to ache. They had all came together, for just this once, not as any specific race or group, but as survivors. As a united force of hope. 

They had quieted as I spoke, holding fast to their banners or loved ones. What could I say? So many would die before we made it back. It was deafeningly quiet, the only sound I could hear was the flapping of the great decorative banners overhead. There were faces of every origin in the crowd, all came together for one last ditch effort. 

I scratched my earlobe and tugged at the small hoop earring that was embedded in the flesh of my helix. I forced myself to stand up straighter, suddenly feeling immensely small in light of the size of the crowd. 

"As I look out over the crowd today, my heart is filled with pride. I see so many races from so many walks of life, all here as one unified people." A few Dalish elves close to the makeshift stage smiled proudly, and a qunari somewhere gave a big hoot to which many laughed. My hand lifted to scratch my ear again, but I forced it down. Not exactly a sign of confidence. 

"You've put away your differences, and petty squabbles to come here and support our cause. You are a group that will standfast in the face of such evil and not lose the hope that is being gained here today." I took a pause and the crowd roared it's applause. My ears pricked against the sheer volume of their cries. 

"We will be back," the words came out in confidence, but my belly twisted in uncertainty. Would we come back? There was no sure fire way to assure we would even make it through the atmosphere. "And we will have a new home." I stepped away from the microphone and the gathered picked up their cheering again. 

The ground seemed to quiver under my feet as the multitude encouraged us with hoots and hollars of praise. We could even hear them as we clamored into the shiny white ship. It was the first of its kind; well, the first to go on a colonization mission anyway. 

The Spirit of Hope, I scoffed at the name. One could only hope that we embody that, but I had my doubts. 

I did a quick check with Iron Bull in the small armory compartment. "Bull? What's the word?" 

Iron Bull turned to me with a grin. "Weapons are strapped in and ready to go, Boss." 

"As are the potions and food stores, Inquisitor." Dorian said from the tiny doorway. Such a small doorway..

I looked at Bull curiously, "How did you fit your horns through that doorway?" 

"Uhhh," Iron Bull chuckled and scratched the back of his neck, "it wasn't easy."

"Quite the sight, actually," Dorian coughed to stifle a laugh. 

I opened my mouth to speak, but the intercom cut me off with mention that we had two minutes until lift off. Time was a flurry after that, I rushed about the cabin, ensuring that everything was in place, not that I knew for sure. This whole mission was thrown together last minute, and to be honest our training had been rushed.

"It will be fine," Solas said from behind me as I strapped into my seat. His voice was smooth and calm, like nothing could possibly come to harm us. For a moment, it eased the anxiety building in my chest. 

I turned my head so I could see him. "You don't know that," I stated with a sad smirk. The anxiety I had previously felt reared its head. 

He canted his head in response. "There are only two possibilities, Alida. Either we succeed, or we do not. Worrying will not change either outcome." 

I made a mortified face. "Gee, thanks for that pep talk, Solas."

"Any time, Ali."

I turned back around in my seat. The countdown started and I busied myself thinking of home. I imagined I was cozy and warm in my bed.

I thought of the way my bed smelled faintly of perfume and elfroot. The ceremonial robes I wore for the receiving of my vallaslin hung on the wall in a shadow box. There was a half burned candle sitting on my desk that I only burned when doing essays. I could almost smell the candle, brisk pine and the subtle breeze of a summer shower.

I breathed in deeply, sucking all the scent of my memory into reality, but the mirage shattered when my seat rattled. My eyes snapped open and instinctively I gripped my harness, insuring it was still on. 

"Three," the intercom cracked harshly as I checked to make sure my harness was properly connected for the third time.

"Two." Deep breaths, deep breaths. We've trained for this, I groaned to myself. 

"One." I looked over to Cassandra to my left. She nodded reassuringly. The cabin started to shake, every fiber in my body trembled with the hum of energy coming from the imminent blast off. 

"Here we go," Varric said through the mic. Cassandra rolled her eyes in clear annoyance of his very existence. 

"Blast off." Everything was rattling. My entire body was being shook around hard enough to make my vision blur. I tried for one last look out the small window to my right, but could only just make out the pointed tops of buildings and a few odd shapes as people waved banners and flailed their arms from every space imaginable.

I had never wanted to go home and ignore my responsibilities more than in that moment, but it was too late. I lifted my arm to scratch my ear, but it was shoved back against the chair with the rest of my body. I wanted to scream, to proclaim to the heavens opening up above me that I wasn't ready, that I wasn't qualified. I stifled it by clenching my eyes shut and biting my lip hard enough to draw blood. 

Suddenly, without warning, the ship stopped shaking. Something beeped on the dashboard and there was the sound of something pressurizing somewhere. I opened my eyes slowly and gasped. It was breathtakingly vast. So much space between Thedas and the moon, and we had to go much further than that.

I prodded at the inside of my lip and pain shot out from the bite wound. The pain was real enough, and so was the view. Cassandra unbuckled her harness and pushed off of the chair towards the control panels. Everyone else did the same, heading off in different directions. 

I took a deep breath, just like in training. I clicked open my harness and shoved off from the seat in Cassandra's direction. My body floated lazily until I grabbed hold of a pipe on the ceiling and pushed my body down towards a seat. I arranged myself and my bottom half down into the chair, then slid the belt across my lap and clipped it in place. 

"Report?" I asked over the comm. My eyes wandered out into the darkness ahead. Distant stars twinkled like little fireflies, making the vast emptiness of space seem closer to a nightime forest than a big scary nothing. It was just missing the buzz of nighttime bugs.

"Weapons, check," Bull said first.

His voice snapped me from my enchantment, and I blinked hard, reminding myself of the task at hand. 

"Food stores stable," Dorian grunted. 

"Embryonic chamber intact and fully functional, dear," Vivienne reported in. 

I waited for the oxygen and fuel report from Varric and Solas. Not hearing anything I called their names over the comm.

"Oxygen is well," Solas said at last. 

I waited a bit longer, but heard nothing else. "Varric?"

"Need a clean up crew in the bay, one ruptured fuel cell, and two broken pipes. Must have dinged a satellite or something."

"Impossible, the path was clear!" Cassandra grumbled as she checked the trajectory. 

"Well, it must not have been as clear as you thought."

Cassandra growled her response and Varric chuckled. 

"Sera! Get down there and clean up."

"Ugghh, why me? Surely Burly Bear, Blackwall would be better, yeah?" 

I looked around quickly. "Where is Cole and Blackwall?"

"Blackwall is with me, Boss," Bull gruffed. 

"And Cole?" 

"He is with me," Solas stated softly. 

I was aggravated that people hadn't stayed where they were supposed to be. "Why didn't you guys stick to the routine?" I swiped a few dark brown hairs back from my face, a feeble attempt considering the low gravity. 

"Shit, Ali, calm down, everyone is a little stressed," Varric sounded over the comm, "it's not like this is a common occurrence for us."

"It doesn't matter! We trained months for this, and you guys can't even stick to the first day routine? Get your shit together, everything up here is life or death." I clicked off the comm and looked at Cassandra. "How's the artificial gravity coming?"

She winced, her cheeks blushing bright red. "Not well, Inquisitor, whatever we dinged threw us off trajectory by one hundred and four point seven meters and must have damaged the gravity simulator."

I pressed my head against the headrest and groaned, swiping the stray hairs away again. "Fenedhis, this is a shitshow." I unclicked my seatbelt and pushed my weightless body towards the oddly rounded door. "Who designed these fucking doors? We have a qunari on board and they thought tiny rounded doors were a good idea. Creators!" I clawed at my ear as I shoved through the door and down the hall. 

Solas was coming towards me, Cole no where to be seen. "Where did he go? I thought you said he was with you?" 

"I left him in the crew's chambers, Alida, calm down." 

I rolled my eyes as I tried to squeeze by him, accidentally - but not really- rubbing up against his chest with my own as I struggled past him. He chuckled and I shot back a pointed look. "Shut up," I smiled though, a small flirt. 

"Later, Inquisitor?" He returned my smile with raised eyebrows.

My eyes wandered down his body absently. His body filled out the jumpsuit wonderfully, not tight, but not lose. I found myself wandering what it was that he looked like under it. Were his thighs as wonderfully shaped as the jumpsuit made them look? 

My face burned hot, both in embarassment from my impure thoughts and from the anticipation of time to be spent with him. I knew what he had in mind later was eating supper across the small metal dining table from me while we studied over a book of ancient origins, but I still felt a rush.

"You know it, Solas," I flashed a flirtatious smile. 

On down the hall I came to the bay's door, it was closed, because of the leaks in zero gravity, obviously. I rolled my eyes at myself, I'd need the stupid clean suit. So I pulled myself back down the hall and yanked open the compartment on the wall. I yanked the thin fabric over my weightless legs with a struggle, only bumping my head on the walls and floor a few times before I finally got it tugged up to my waste and slipped my arms in. 

I held up the helmet, my slightly round face reflected back at me and I frowned at it, pulling the thick green lines of June's vallaslin down with my downturned lips. Noticing how silly I must look frowning at a stupid helmet, my cheeks lit up a deep shade of red, making my freckles seem even darker. 

"Ughh." I put on the odd helmet thing that was just cloth with a plastic face guard, then pulled the hood up over the back of it, to seal everything up. I was a bit disoriented from all my spinning when I looked back down the hall and at first headed in the wrong direction. Finally, getting turned in the right direction, I pressed around on the helmet until I got my mic turned on. 

"Sera? Get your ass down here." I knew that she'd need to be told twice before she finally did it. Over the comm came a string of grumbles and oddly worded curses. 

"I'm going in. Varric you still down here?" 

"Still in here, Ali."

I twisted the door handle and then gave it a tug. It creaked as I pulled it open and slid inside, shutting it behind me quickly. I turned around and ran smack into a plastic sheet. Screaming I tried to shove my way back away from it, but I only succeeded in spinning upside down and bumping my head on the floor again as the plastic was tugged backwards and finally I was in the room. 

"Sorry," Varric laughed, "I didn't know you'd have such a freak out. It's part of clean up regulation to use the sheet." 

I pushed off the floor and struggled to get upright again. Ignoring his statement and what had just happened, I grumbled that the gravity simulator was damaged. 

"What?" He turned around and looked at the pipes on the ceiling and the one fuel cell that was slowly floating about the room, spilling it's contents here and there. I followed his eyes from the simulator to one of the busted pipes, and then to some sparking wires on the wall that had been exposed. "Well, shit."

"Is that it? Can you fix it?"

He looked over to me, his breath fogging up the plastic face guard. "I can try, but no promises that it can be fixed."

"Fenedhis lasa!" I tugged at my ear piercing again and then crossed my arms, which I'm sure was quite the sight as my body tilted off to the side. 

The door opened and Sera slid inside. Unlike me, she didn't get caught in the plastic and maneuvered gracefully around it. She looked around the room and sighed. " We should just open the airlock, suck all the debris out." 

I looked at the mess. She was right, in antigravity this would be nearly impossible to clean up. "We can't open the airlock while this stuff is broken, it could cause more damage. Do the best you can," I said as I headed back for the door. "We're wasting time and fuel sitting here, we have to move, gravity or not, you'll have to work while we travel."

Sera huffed her disproval. I gave a stern "get to work" look and she held her hands up in surrender then rushed off for cleaning supplies. 

Back up at the controls I helped Cassandra chart a course for the stars. It would take us three weeks even with the hyper drive engaged. Three weeks without gravity? Shit, I hoped that Varric had magic fingers. 

"Well, we don't have time to waste," I groaned.

"Indeed, Inquisitor," Cassandra agreed. "Should I start the hyper drive?" 

I looked back over the newly calculated travel chart and then to resources we still had. Missing the one fuel cell would be a minor effect, there was a surplus, but it could come down to that one fuel cell, and it wouldn't be there. "We don't have a choice," I replied. "Everybody hold on."


	2. Chapter 2

The drive core powered up with a kick, throwing my weightless body back against my chair. When it got going at full speed, the ride smoothed out considerably and I reached for the buckle I forgot beforehand. 

"Whoa shit," Varric's charming voice crackled over the comm. "Give a guy a minute to get situated next time." 

Cassandra giggled. Well- giggle isn't exactly the right word- more like she pushed air out of her nose in a giddy matter. "Next time, Varric, perhaps you should be ready to begin with."

"Roger that, Seeker," he said in that endearing way that says I really have more to say, but I'll keep my mouth shut.

With the drive core leveled out at almost the speed of light, we barreled through space at an unprecedented speed, towards a planet that we've been looking at in the past. Who could know what it would actually be like once we got there? We sure didn't, and it showed already. 

I was unbuckled and headed to the back of the cabin when the gravity came back online, my body suddenly gained it's mass and I flopped to the floor. It knocked the air out of me, and I rolled around on the floor gasping. 

"Oh, hey, I got the gravity working again."

...

"Do you, in some way, think that I give two shits about that Vivienne?" Iron Bull dropped the last crate of ammunition onto the floor and pushed it under the counter with the toe of his scruffed boot. My head pounded against the screech of wood on metal.

Vivienne propped a hand on her hip and gave an uneffected look from the doorway. "Well, you should care, darling. If we don't watch the temperature in your room, it could effect the embryonic chamber."

Blah, blah, blah. 

Iron Bull looked a little annoyed. "Say, how many of those embryos are Qunari? Hmm? Something like two hundred and twelve out of over a thousand? That sounds about right?" Iron Bull propped himself on his elbows. He was quite a sight, having to bend down to effectively do so on the short counter. 

And just how many are elven? My people were just as dead as his. There would no longer be Dalish to keep the traditions alive. We would make our own traditions- new traditions- as one group of elves. No longer Dalish elves and city elves, just elves.

"Two hundred and thirteen actually."

"My point makes itself. This little pilgrimage is the last chance for my people, and that's all that the Chantry 'gave' us."

"Yes. I am starting to see why." 

She's joking right? What a cruel thing to say.. I had to say something, anything to make them stop intensifying my already severe headache.

"Hey that's-"

"Fenedhis! Stop the bickering. It's over. It's done. There's nothing we can do about how many embryos there are. Just be glad they've given you any." Not like I trusted the Chantry either, but enough was enough. I had been sitting in the corner, checking on my crossbow as they bickered. My head pounded from the lack of sleep and stress. I hoped that they would just figure it out, but it hadn't appeared they would. 

"Keep the temperature lower in your room, or perhaps swap with someone, and we have no problems."

I rolled my eyes in response as Viv exited the room. Then before anyone could speak to me, and the bowling ball I was carrying on my shoulders as a head, I left the room as well.

I was headed back down to my room, when I heard clattering in the dining area. Slightly annoyed with the sounds that penetrated into my sore brain and made my ears ring, I slid through the doorway to tell whoever dared to frankly shut the fuck up. 

Solas was making something, cups and pots were strewn about, all metal and shining, the lights reflected off of the metal parcels and pierced my retinas like little suns. I closed my eyes in response, tears pressing firmly against my eyelids, but I blinked them away. 

"Everything all right, Solas?" I finally coerced my eyes into looking at the world around me again. 

"No!" He shoved the metal pot onto the hot plate and poured in a ration of water. His hands were trembling as he turned on the heater, either in nervousness or anger, I couldn't tell which. 

I sighed and reluctantly sat down on the stool seated picnic style table. "What's going on?"

Solas slammed a metal coffee cup against the counter hard enough to dent it then he threw the worthless thing away from him. It was all quite a ruckus and my brain pounded hard right behind my eyes. I pressed my palm against my forehead and tried to just wish the pain away. 

"My nights are plagued with sleeplessness, and when I do sleep, I cannot connect to the Fade." His shoulders slumped and his head dipped. "My magic is hindered. Using it causes considerable discomfort."

I wanted to go to him, to wrap my arms around his waist and tell him I was sorry. I wanted him to know that I cared, but when I stood to go at least a few steps closer my head spun wildly, only intensified by the pain that clawed its way through the sensitive gray matter of my brain and balled up like a snake ready to strike right behind my eyes. 

My world tilted and I started to fall. I crashed into a shelf of food, toppling many a box with the clumsy flailing of my arms. Eventually, my body slid down the shelf and suddenly I was in the floor. My tailbone had landed on something hard, and I groaned as I pulled a can of chopped tomatoes out from under me and tossed it away. 

"Ali, are you okay?" He knelt in front of me, his pretty blue eyes were somehow dimmer than before, and little red tendrils stretched out from his iris to hide somewhere out of view. He must have been tired. 

"I--", my words stammered in my head and didn't come out any better, "your eyes..". My hand lifted and grazed the top of his cheek, that soft skin right under the eye and to the right. My tired and pained mind thought of how his freckles were like the stars outside my small circular window over my small stiff bed. 

I got lost in them, my fingers trailing across the delicate spots of brown as if I was some astroglider sliding through the stars on a magic surfboard. His cheek nestled against my hand, his eyes falling shut and shortly after, mine did too. I was briefly aware that my hand was still on his cheek, but the feeling was dulled, like I was touching my own skin instead of his. 

"Get up." Someone kicked the bottom of my shoe and I rolled into the pillow next to me. "Maker's balls, get up." My pillow moved, and my eyes snapped open. It was no pillow. My head was rested against Solas' chest. His eyes wandered the room with curiosity and then horror. 

We had fell asleep sitting up, somehow, and ended up like this, cuddled up at the base of the shelf among the cans and boxes of food. 

"Whoah-ho," Iron Bull laughed from the doorway. "Rough night, eh boss?" 

My cheeks blushed and I struggled to pull my sore and stiff body from the floor. "We just.. we were.."

"Oh, leave them alone. It's stressful up here, we could all use some companionship." Varric winked to me and then looked at Cassandra. Something unspoken passed between them and she made a disgusted noise accompanied by a wrinkled nose. 

Solas dusted off his pants as he stood. His cheeks burned scarlett red, lighting up the tip of his adorable ears. I mean, I wasn't complaining about having spent a night? few hours? cuddled up with him. It was the best sleep I had gotten in days, but that wasn't the only reason I enjoyed it. 

"So.. what happened with Inquisitits and elfy pants?" I heard Sera ask as I retreated from the room. 

"Ugh, Alida, get your shit together." I slapped some foundation on my sullen cheeks and tried to cover the dark rings under my eyes. "You can't just go around passing out against guys in the kitchen floor." I almost laughed at myself, my lips turning up as a small poof of air escaped my lips. 

"Inquisitor, if I could have a word?" His smooth voice shocked me and I jumped hard, bumping my head on the low ceiling above my bed. My mirror went clattering to the floor. It clamped closed, but I was sure it was broken. 

"Shit," I rubbed my head, a knot already forming. "Yes, please." I motioned that he could come in and I scooted over. He sat as far on the edge of the bed as possible. It irked me, and my eyes instinctively slatted a beat. 

"I am uncertain how we came to be on the floor." 

"I just remember your eyes, and my hand.." I looked down at my hand laying limply in my lap. I glanced at him and watched as his hand grazed against his cheek, remembering where I had touched it previously. 

"Ir abelas, Solas. I-"

"No." He cut me off. His eyes landed on me, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips. "I did not want an apology."

I blushed again, feeling my whole face grow hot. "What did you want, Solas?" I cocked a brow. 

"I finally slept. And as I slept, I dreamt only of time that I had spent with you." He looked at the floor, staring squarely at the space between his bare feet. "My tired spirit did not clamor to enter the Fade, and i slept well.. it made me realize that I enjoy your company and would like to spend more time with you."

"Like.." My heart beat around so hard in my chest that I could feel the pulse in my blushed cheeks. "As friends? Or.."

"Yes. Friends." He smiled again, but not as genuinely as before. My heart fluttered and fell into my belly. Friends? Just friends? Weren't we already doing that? 

"Okay." I conjured up a smile from somewhere and it stung like fire when I slapped it on my face. I was tired of this game, all this playing around. Either he wanted me or he didn't. Why was it so hard for him to decide on that? 

We sat in awkward silence as my mind reeled. "I should go, I have my duties to attend to." He stood abruptly and headed for the door. He turned back briefly, and it looked like he was waiting for something. For me to say something perhaps? 

I was too tired. Too fed up. Who has time when the world is ending to play the chase?

"Of course."


	3. Chapter 3

The stars didn't look like they were moving. It was astonishing how fast we were moving, and yet outside my tiny window, it looked like we were sitting perfectly still. I was bored, we had been in space almost two weeks and I was already losing it. Time meant nothing up there and I found myself missing a lot of sleep.

The mages on board had it worse. They were stricken with severe headaches and discomfort whenever they attempted to use magic. Without the connection to the Fade, they were sick and irritable, a foreseen consequence. Even still, we had no idea it would be so harsh. 

Solas tried to concentrate on our conversations, tried to read and study more on this new planet, but he would quickly become disinterested or into a fitful sleep. I tried to help him, but he was grumpy and difficult to be around. 

Like just then. I was staring out into the void because he had fell asleep with his head laid against the cool steel of the wall behind him. He grumbled softly in his sleep, his eyes fluttered behind his eyelids uneasily. Another fitful sleep. I wish I could sleep as well. I wanted to, but alas, could not. 

I sighed as I pushed myself out of the bed and left the room. I headed for the front of the ship to talk with Cassandra, but when I got there she was absent. I sat down in the pilot seat anyway, unable to find the motivation to go searching for her. I thumbed through the travel plans that were scattered around in an uncharacteristic manner for someone like Cassandra. 

I guess we were all losing it a little. Not at all surprising, tensions were high already. There was infighting, mostly for no reason, and the arguing brought upon more stress. The pressure of it all was mounting and everyone was at one another's throats, myself included. 

"Oh..uh.. hey there, Inquisitor." I turned to see Varric standing a few feet behind me, a book in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. He looked uncomfortable at my being there. "Have you seen the Seeker?"

"No," I said questioningly. "What's with the wine?"

His cheeks blushed. "I was thirsty." 

"Okay.. well, I'll leave you to it then." 

In the hallway closer to my room, I ran into Cassandra, a deep scorn plastered on her face. "Have you seen Varric?" 

I cocked a brow, putting two and two together. "Why?"

"That conniving little--," she stopped and recomposed herself. "I mean, he was supposed to be in the cargo bay, but I didn't find him there. For maintenance, I mean."

I supposed that he was back up front setting up some sort of surprise for her? This implied they were getting a little more friendly than I'd expected. "I think I saw him head towards the control room."

"Thank you." She stomped off down the hall and I shook my head, a grin overtaking my face. As long as they were happy, who cares about the rest. 

"Where did you go?" Solas was sitting upright now, his bald head almost grazed the ceiling. 

"I just needed some air," I stated, then realizing that was stupid and that all the air here was stale I said that I just went for a walk. 

"My apologies, I fell asleep again."

"It's fine," I replied, "I know you're having it rough."

"No matter. Shall we continue our studies?" 

I frowned. "Could we not? Let's just go get some coffee and chat? Like old times?"

"That sounds well," he said, shutting the book and standing carefully as to not bump his head. 

In the dining area I set a pot of coffee and breathed in deeply the smells as it started to brew. 

"How are you feeling?" I asked. 

Solas grunted his response with a shake of his head. Fair enough, I supposed. The coffee maker made an awful spewing sound as the last of the water squirted out of the tube and into the filter. 

"Me too. It's so hard to keep up with time up here." I offered him a cup of coffee and he took it, gripping it in both hands as he took a sip. 

"Indeed." He took another sip and closed his eyes. 

"What do you think it will be like?" I asked.

His eyes opened again, and stared at the faux wood table. "It will not be home." 

"Damn that's grim." I laughed, but it was sad and came out almost like a scared whimper. 

"And true," he replied. "But it appears that the planet itself is lush and beautiful. Perhaps we can make a new home of it."

I smiled at the idea. All the remaining people we could gather, working together towards a new goal. It would be a new start for us all, and perhaps we could all be equal in this new world. 

"Do you know what the plans are for the embryos?" I asked. 

"Yes. Vivienne and most of the others will stay behind with the embryos in case we do not return again." 

"But I meant, who will raise them?" I took a sip of my coffee. It was a little too strong and I made a face into my cup as I reached for the sugar. 

"I suppose that will be a duty on all of us."

"Not how I planned to raise a family," I joked. 

"No one said you would not have your own family," he smiled sadly. 

I laughed. "There's only two other elves on board and one is a girl."

"I am aware." He looked at the wall, lost in some thought. There was a poster on the wall, a cartoon dwarf with a can of vegetables. Eat healthy, be healthy. 

Wait.. what? He's aware? 

"What? What does that mean?"

"It means, there will be more elves that come back with you." He didn't look quite satisfied with this answer though, and neither was I.

I snorted my response and took another sip of coffee. Still too strong, but at the least it was tolerable now. The bitter coffee aggravated me and made it easier for him to aggravate me. I was just so tired of this game he was playing with my heart. 

"Creators, Solas. Why can't you just say you like me?" I sat down my cup, I suddenly wasn't in the mood for shitty stale coffee anymore. "Its been months since we kissed in the Fade. You haven't even mentioned it."

"I know!" He shoved off the table and paced to the small window looking out into the sea of faraway stars. "I do like you.. I just.. It could lead to trouble."

"Fuck trouble. We're already in deep shit." I stood and walked over to stand beside him. "We are literally on a space ship, going to find another planet to live on because ours is dead. What more could happen?"

He looked over at me sadly. "I have.. I need.." he struggled for words that I would never hear. His eyes landed back on the stars and then he turned towards me. "You are beautiful and fascinating. I simply do not think-"

I don't know what happened exactly. I was just too tired and too distracted. I needed to kiss him. I needed him. I stepped into him and my lips pressed against his. He was rigid at first, but slowly relaxed and his lips moved, getting up to speed on what was happening. His hand slid around my lower back and pulled me closer, making my heart pound even harder than it already was. 

When I pulled away he rested his forehead against my own. "Fenedhis Alida.."

"What? That bad?" 

He didn't respond, his lips finding mine again with a new hunger. His tongue flicked in my mouth and danced against my own as his hands touched my face and rubbed down my back. When he pulled away the second time, our breath mingled in short exasperated puffs.

"I hadn't forgotten about the kiss," he stated.

"Why haven't you mentioned it then?"

His eyebrows stitched together in thought. "I wanted to make sure that the mark hadn't changed you, that who you appeared to be, you really were. The stress was mounting, as well, and I did not wish to add more to it."

"The mark?" I stepped back, out of arms reach. "Why would that have anything to do with this?" I looked down at the anchor, a faint green glow now without connection to the Veil. It didn't hurt anymore, and I realized that in time, it may go away all together. 

"I theorized it may be possible that the anchor influenced you in some way. Changed your morals or your spirit."

"No. I am who I am."

He nodded softly. "That is comforting."

My feelings were a little hurt by this. I don't know if it was just lack of sleep or the stress of the mission that caused anger to boil inside of me. "I have to go," I stated before stomping from the room and heading down the hall. 

I pressed my head against the cool glass of the observation room. Dorian was behind me in a small plastic chair, attempting to read a book. The glass made the dull ache if anger almost tolerable. 

"Are you well?" I heard him ask. 

I didn't turn back but replied that I was fine, just annoyed. He didn't ask why, and it only added to my annoyance. Was everyone a lumbering mass of uncaring flesh? I instantly regretted the thought. They were tired and in pain, it wasn't right of me to want their full attention.

Even still I didn't ask how he was feeling. That was careless and stupid of me. These people were my friends and all I could think about was the pounding in my head and Solas. 

Eventually, I went back to my bunk and laid on the stiff bedding. My mind wandered. Before all of this, I had just been some girl. I lived with my Clan on ancient land so old that the roads were still dirt in some places. I went hunting sometimes with my father and younger brother. I loved to read and enjoyed going to lectures.

I know right. Who enjoys going to lectures? But I did. I'd take my binder and take notes as the speaker taught on their particular topic. Sometimes I'd even write down things they said that I thought were funny or interesting, but had nothing to do with the subject. 

I enjoyed listening to music, the old stuff that my Keeper said her Keeper used to listen to. It flowed through me with a heavy hint of magic and wonder. I often listened to the old cassette she had given me as I read. 

I had to look everywhere to find a radio that still played cassettes. Eventually, I found one in my very own attic along with a whole box of dusty cassettes. Most of the music in the box didn't interest me, but there was one tape that was just someone talking in ancient elvhen. I couldn't understand the words, but I would say them along with the tape anyway. The words were intricate and beautiful, they flowed off of my tongue like water in a stream. 

When was the last time I had listened to music or went to a lecture? When was the last time I spoke to my family?

Maybe I had changed after all.


End file.
